So the blog a day thing obviously did not work out, I think we all saw that coming. I'm still going to keep at it, but you should quell the need to sit on the page refreshing day after day.
Inauguration Day has come and gone and we finally have a new president. President Baraka from Mortal Kombat II is now our fearless leader, and I've never felt safer. I do, however, have various scattered comments about this that I wanted to try and deliver in some sort of organized fashion. If you were looking for something clever and humorous, well, sorry, but I don't know what you were doing here in the first place.
There's no denying the fact that my views lately have clearly scuttled in a Libertarian/classic conservative direction, and through the election I firmly supported your friend and mine, Congressman Ron Paul. This has not changed. I still think both the Republican and Democratic party have become bloated, self-serving, overspending train wrecks. But I think there'll be plenty of time to moan about that later.
I'm sort of a mixed bag on our new president though. Based on my support for Paul, whose views are essentially opposite Obama's, I should hate him, but I don't. I'm just not Rah-Rah-Bama like everyone else seems to be. I really do think he's an intelligent and good man, but this system is far too broken right now and we need more than just a new president to fix everything. Bush was a dummy and a silly goose and that makes him a perfect scapegoat for where we are now, but he was just one tiny piece of the puzzle. Our democratic congress should've essentially nulled him out, but they failed hard on all counts. This leads me to believe either our supposed "checks and balances" are completely broken or Democrats and Republicans aren't really as polar opposite as we all try to make them out to be.
Obama's speeches and promises sound great because he's a charismatic guy, but he's already pulled back on some of them, and I can't figure out how he plans to afford the rest. Not to mention his very disappointing cabinet picks so far (cough, cough)
This economic downturn is unavoidable and we're going to suffer in the short term, whether anyone likes it or not. Bad decisions were made, money and credit were created out of thin air and businesses and people lived outside of their means for too long. I think bailouts like those Obama voted for will only prop us up for so long in the short term, but will absolutely devastate us in the long term when it comes crashing down... and it hurts inside. You've got to take a stand, it don't help to hide... sorry.
That being said, Barack Obama went to Columbia and Harvard, and I did not. I do think though that it is our job as Americans not to blindly support the man with our Yes We Can t-shirts, artsy renditions of his portrait and Obama logo tattoos (yes, I saw one). Everyone's celebrating and that's well and good, but it's our duty to be skeptical and pay attention, lest our freedoms be raped for another 8 years. So if anyone asks me what I think of our new Commander-in-Chief, I respond by saying I am cautiously optimistic.
And just so you know I'm not making up the optimistic part, Obama thus far has already impressed me with some of his first decisions in the White House. Many of them are really just words at this point... I'll hold my applause for action to be taken, but still, great steps in a new, much more hopeful direction:
EDIT:
Just read a new story that actually greatly excites me about Obama, at least from a technology standpoint.
And, to balance that, one that worries me.
This pleases me most of all
This could be more for show than anything, but it sparked my interest
Important step in the right direction
You know what... I got nothing today. I guess I have to anticipate that with forcing myself to blog every day. Hopefully I'll be able to provide something of entertainment even on the offest of off days.
Until I figure out how to do that though, I'm going to take a page out of Think Outside The Pun's book and outsource your entertainment to another site.
Jurassic Park references are always welcome here
Until I figure out how to do that though, I'm going to take a page out of Think Outside The Pun's book and outsource your entertainment to another site.
Jurassic Park references are always welcome here
16 January 2009
Disclaimer: This blog will probably offend more than any others I write... sorry about that.
I'm not a sports fan... I never really have been. Typically if a local team makes it near playoffs, I'll jump on a bandwagon like a spineless, trend-seeking wannabe. Often times, I even wave the first bandwagon on and wait for the second, or maybe even the third, in hopes they can fit more people and I can be less unique. Aside from those times though, I really just don't care.
From an outsider's perspective though, I have noticed that the sports themselves have almost taken a backseat in fans' minds, lately. This somewhat new phenomenon of Fantasy teams has undeniably taken over. People can't just follow sports anymore, they need to have their little fantasy teams... be it a fantasy football, baseball, hockey, ice-fishing, or whatever team.
Now, I really don't have a problem with playing pretend like this... more often than not I play pretend band with my plastic guitar with 5 buttons on it in front of a screaming crowd of my TV, my girlfriend and my broken self-worth as it limps out the door. But can we just all meet in the middle here and admit that's what this is? A bunch of grown men playing pretend. I've known people that plan events around fantasy drafts and fantasy award presentations... and they actually cancel real-life events to attend these things.
Once again, I don't particularly care what people do with their time, but doesn't this sound a lot like something else? I went to two separate forums and copied posts from members... here is the first:
So that's obviously from a fantasy football forum. Maybe it makes more sense to the athletically-inclined, but it may as well be German text interspersed with photos of hairless cats and Craig T. Nelson pitching a tent... both scenarios make equal sense in my mind (Truthfully, I can see where the Craig T. Nelson situation would speak to some demographics). Here is the second forum post:
You would think that this was from the same forum, but you'd be dead wrong. As I've learned, there aren't caltrops in football anymore... or any sport, for that matter. This post was from a Dungeons and Dragons forum. Now, what I want someone to do is make a case that these two activities are not basically one in the same. Participants in the former pretend they're head coaches, defensive coordinators and football players, while the latter pretends they are elves, dwarves and Sauron the Dark Lord. Nothing is wrong with either, but we're all playing pretend here. This is all well and good, but I suspect when Joe Salesman gets off work on Friday, loosens his tie and rolls up his sleeves for happy hour (even though there was probably ample time to go home and change), he doesn't see the parallels between his 3rd ranked QB and someone else's level 12 Mage of Sin. I suggest you try bringing it up to him and his good ol' boys next time you see him out. You'll notice the resistance to this idea immediately. As final pieces of evidence, I present to you some photo comparisons... can you spot the differences?
I'm not a sports fan... I never really have been. Typically if a local team makes it near playoffs, I'll jump on a bandwagon like a spineless, trend-seeking wannabe. Often times, I even wave the first bandwagon on and wait for the second, or maybe even the third, in hopes they can fit more people and I can be less unique. Aside from those times though, I really just don't care.
From an outsider's perspective though, I have noticed that the sports themselves have almost taken a backseat in fans' minds, lately. This somewhat new phenomenon of Fantasy teams has undeniably taken over. People can't just follow sports anymore, they need to have their little fantasy teams... be it a fantasy football, baseball, hockey, ice-fishing, or whatever team.
Now, I really don't have a problem with playing pretend like this... more often than not I play pretend band with my plastic guitar with 5 buttons on it in front of a screaming crowd of my TV, my girlfriend and my broken self-worth as it limps out the door. But can we just all meet in the middle here and admit that's what this is? A bunch of grown men playing pretend. I've known people that plan events around fantasy drafts and fantasy award presentations... and they actually cancel real-life events to attend these things.
Once again, I don't particularly care what people do with their time, but doesn't this sound a lot like something else? I went to two separate forums and copied posts from members... here is the first:
It's a keeper league and we have the option of keeping either 2 offensive and 1 defensive player or 1 offensive and 2 defensive players. The league scores for individuals stats, even defensive players gain points, for sacks, passes defended, tackles etc. You start 1 QB 1-4 RB 1-4 WR 1 TE 1 PK and 4 Defensive Players each game a total of 12 players. If you start 3 of 4 DL/DE's you reduce the running points by 33% if you start 3/4 CB/S you reduce passing point by 33%.
Basically my question is who should I keep on my current roster?
Name: YTD PTS Bye Drafted
Grossman, Rex CHI QB 25.26 8 FA
Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB (P) 62.30 6 2.07
Rosenfels, Sage HOU QB 27.50 2 23.07
So that's obviously from a fantasy football forum. Maybe it makes more sense to the athletically-inclined, but it may as well be German text interspersed with photos of hairless cats and Craig T. Nelson pitching a tent... both scenarios make equal sense in my mind (Truthfully, I can see where the Craig T. Nelson situation would speak to some demographics). Here is the second forum post:
Martial Controllers have had trouble as a challenge bcause Magic is the usual method. Modern comics gave me an idea of how to create a Martial controller however: Green Arrow is, basically, a controller.
so the thought occurred to me of using something akin to the trick arrows and other devices as low-to-moderate-damage controls, these aren't in any particular level order, but serve as examples
Caltrops (range 5 area burst 1, 1d4 damage and slowed to anyone entering the area or starting in the area)
Daily: Explosive arrow: range 10, area burst 2, 2W+DEX in the origin square and burst 1. 2nd square of radius is only 1W
You would think that this was from the same forum, but you'd be dead wrong. As I've learned, there aren't caltrops in football anymore... or any sport, for that matter. This post was from a Dungeons and Dragons forum. Now, what I want someone to do is make a case that these two activities are not basically one in the same. Participants in the former pretend they're head coaches, defensive coordinators and football players, while the latter pretends they are elves, dwarves and Sauron the Dark Lord. Nothing is wrong with either, but we're all playing pretend here. This is all well and good, but I suspect when Joe Salesman gets off work on Friday, loosens his tie and rolls up his sleeves for happy hour (even though there was probably ample time to go home and change), he doesn't see the parallels between his 3rd ranked QB and someone else's level 12 Mage of Sin. I suggest you try bringing it up to him and his good ol' boys next time you see him out. You'll notice the resistance to this idea immediately. As final pieces of evidence, I present to you some photo comparisons... can you spot the differences?
15 January 2009
...hopefully because I don't plan on having to reboot again. Starting today, I intend to blog at least once a day for one month. Those of you following this blog know what a lofty goal this is and I'm probably just setting myself up for failure. But we're in a recession and, all things considered, blogging will save the world. So that's where we are.
The hope is that after a month of daily blogging, I may be motivated to continue out of habit. Simply by writing that, I made myself realize that it will be the easiest habit I'll have ever broken, but I'm going to give it the old college try anyways.
My safeguard to insure I don't stop blogging again is by indulging my friend at narcissisticnancy.blogspot.com and participating in an activity I typically frown upon: chain surveys. These have become all the rage lately as we show that we don't necessarily know what to write unless we are prompted to write a particular thing. My hope is that by having to participate in the hackery in order to reignite my second-rate exchange of dead-end ideas that go nowhere, I will be discouraged from ever stopping again. So here we go - this particular entry involves writing 14 random things about yourself, though I prefer to call it "11 Reasons More Than Are Necessary to Press Charges".
1. I hate not being included (That was a direct burn and it will be my last one, I promise.)
2. I love sunny, coastal areas and am also fascinated by areas of extreme cold and bitter weather conditions. Somehow, this adds up to me living in a temperate climate that leans towards miserable far more often than it does nice. Worse yet, I have no desire to leave. If this doesn't symbolize my mediocrity, I don't know what will.
3. I hate the damned ampersand. It's so much easier for me to type "and" than to hold shift and wander far, far away from the loving comfort of the home keys. This, however, also leads me to the realization that the ampersand existed before computers or even typewriters were used. Who can draw an accurate ampersand quicker than they can write "and?" What lazy asshole thought writing "and" was too much work? Some mediocre jerk that settled for a temperate climate?
4. I have an affinity for mainstream pop music. I was going to write "well-written mainstream pop music," but I don't even know anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think I have decent musical tastes, ranging from the 60s to modern day and I have gigs upon gigs of music (obtained legally! LEGALLY!) in which I would like to think even the snobbiest of music critics could find SOMETHING to listen to. However, nothing seems to appeal to me more than mainstream pop. More often than not, it's "accepted" mainstream pop - I think Katy Perry, for example wrote some of the best pop songs of 2008. Britney Spears seems to be loved by all, and I share the sentiment. However, I also can't get enough of Miley Cyrus, and anyone that knows me can't argue my unwavering passion for the offspring of Billy Ray (the female one, anyways). Listen to See You Again and tell me it isn't amazingly written, whether or not it was written by HER. Obviously, everyone loves J. Timberlake, but I even go back to the N' Sync days and say Bye Bye Bye is simply incredible... but it is - you won't find a catchier hook. Lately I'm onto that Taylor Swift song, "Love Song" and I don't even know if I can defend that one... I can't even legitimately say it's that good of a song, but I can't stop listening to it. When can this be categorized as a vice?
5. Ron & Fez - Noon to 3 - XM 202
6. In any discussion regarding soda that I am involved in (yes, for some reason, this comes up a lot), two things are bound to happen. The first is that I will bring up Josta. Please comment if you remember Josta. It tasted like bad cherry cough syrup, but I couldn't get enough of it. I feel like my mother, rather than breast-feed, gave me breast-shaped Josta cans when I was a young lad, thus solidifying my love of the sugary treat. The other thing that will happen is someone else will bring up Crystal Pepsi and how it was good and I'll throw up a little in my mouth and die a little more inside. It wasn't good. It was like bad 7-Up. Bad 7-Up from a factory run by yetis... smelly yetis.
7. I once almost choked to death on one of those Necco wafer candies when I was a little boy (well, a young boy... little boy could be used to describe me now). Surprisingly, this didn't sway me from enjoying them. Them tasting like wet dog and having the consistency of old Tums did.
8. I hate ranch dressing... Whoever decided this belongs on salad is hopefully the mother of a boy who likes to step on a lot of cracks. Whoever decided this belongs on chicken, french fries, or fried anything must've had a bum tongue. Whoever decided this belongs on pizza should get together with the Necco wafer guy.
9. I get bored of lists around number 9.
10. I don't think there's such thing as "too early" as far as dark humor goes. There's such thing as being a decent human being and practicing tact as far as who you should expose this dark humor to, but nothing should be directly censored based on it being offensive. This is the speech that is most difficult to protect, but is most important that we do.
11-14. See #9. 10 was bonus.
So there you have it. I'd like to believe I can at least get through the rest of this week before I cave miserably on my goal, so I'd say check back. Can't promise anything interesting, but maybe a picture and a limerick at least.
The hope is that after a month of daily blogging, I may be motivated to continue out of habit. Simply by writing that, I made myself realize that it will be the easiest habit I'll have ever broken, but I'm going to give it the old college try anyways.
My safeguard to insure I don't stop blogging again is by indulging my friend at narcissisticnancy.blogspot.com and participating in an activity I typically frown upon: chain surveys. These have become all the rage lately as we show that we don't necessarily know what to write unless we are prompted to write a particular thing. My hope is that by having to participate in the hackery in order to reignite my second-rate exchange of dead-end ideas that go nowhere, I will be discouraged from ever stopping again. So here we go - this particular entry involves writing 14 random things about yourself, though I prefer to call it "11 Reasons More Than Are Necessary to Press Charges".
1. I hate not being included (That was a direct burn and it will be my last one, I promise.)
2. I love sunny, coastal areas and am also fascinated by areas of extreme cold and bitter weather conditions. Somehow, this adds up to me living in a temperate climate that leans towards miserable far more often than it does nice. Worse yet, I have no desire to leave. If this doesn't symbolize my mediocrity, I don't know what will.
3. I hate the damned ampersand. It's so much easier for me to type "and" than to hold shift and wander far, far away from the loving comfort of the home keys. This, however, also leads me to the realization that the ampersand existed before computers or even typewriters were used. Who can draw an accurate ampersand quicker than they can write "and?" What lazy asshole thought writing "and" was too much work? Some mediocre jerk that settled for a temperate climate?
4. I have an affinity for mainstream pop music. I was going to write "well-written mainstream pop music," but I don't even know anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think I have decent musical tastes, ranging from the 60s to modern day and I have gigs upon gigs of music (obtained legally! LEGALLY!) in which I would like to think even the snobbiest of music critics could find SOMETHING to listen to. However, nothing seems to appeal to me more than mainstream pop. More often than not, it's "accepted" mainstream pop - I think Katy Perry, for example wrote some of the best pop songs of 2008. Britney Spears seems to be loved by all, and I share the sentiment. However, I also can't get enough of Miley Cyrus, and anyone that knows me can't argue my unwavering passion for the offspring of Billy Ray (the female one, anyways). Listen to See You Again and tell me it isn't amazingly written, whether or not it was written by HER. Obviously, everyone loves J. Timberlake, but I even go back to the N' Sync days and say Bye Bye Bye is simply incredible... but it is - you won't find a catchier hook. Lately I'm onto that Taylor Swift song, "Love Song" and I don't even know if I can defend that one... I can't even legitimately say it's that good of a song, but I can't stop listening to it. When can this be categorized as a vice?
5. Ron & Fez - Noon to 3 - XM 202
6. In any discussion regarding soda that I am involved in (yes, for some reason, this comes up a lot), two things are bound to happen. The first is that I will bring up Josta. Please comment if you remember Josta. It tasted like bad cherry cough syrup, but I couldn't get enough of it. I feel like my mother, rather than breast-feed, gave me breast-shaped Josta cans when I was a young lad, thus solidifying my love of the sugary treat. The other thing that will happen is someone else will bring up Crystal Pepsi and how it was good and I'll throw up a little in my mouth and die a little more inside. It wasn't good. It was like bad 7-Up. Bad 7-Up from a factory run by yetis... smelly yetis.
7. I once almost choked to death on one of those Necco wafer candies when I was a little boy (well, a young boy... little boy could be used to describe me now). Surprisingly, this didn't sway me from enjoying them. Them tasting like wet dog and having the consistency of old Tums did.
8. I hate ranch dressing... Whoever decided this belongs on salad is hopefully the mother of a boy who likes to step on a lot of cracks. Whoever decided this belongs on chicken, french fries, or fried anything must've had a bum tongue. Whoever decided this belongs on pizza should get together with the Necco wafer guy.
9. I get bored of lists around number 9.
10. I don't think there's such thing as "too early" as far as dark humor goes. There's such thing as being a decent human being and practicing tact as far as who you should expose this dark humor to, but nothing should be directly censored based on it being offensive. This is the speech that is most difficult to protect, but is most important that we do.
11-14. See #9. 10 was bonus.
So there you have it. I'd like to believe I can at least get through the rest of this week before I cave miserably on my goal, so I'd say check back. Can't promise anything interesting, but maybe a picture and a limerick at least.
14 January 2009
Update: Apparently my girlfriend is better at the Internet than I am.
http://www.smartvoter.org/2008/11/04/pa/state/
This site will also display the information you crave. She wins a free plug:
http://dubyahteeeff.blogspot.com
-------------------------
Thought I'd jump back on the ol' web log to be a good American. We're supposed to be democratizing tomorrow and I'm anxious as a slug to let my .0000001% of a vote count. I think we all know by now who's getting our presidential vote (LHC 08), but what many people may not realize is that all those people listed after John McCain and Barack Obama are running their own mud-slinging campaigns and we're neglecting our democratic duty by ignoring them and their slander.
Some co-workers and I recently tried to find a list of all candidates running for state and local positions, only to find out that is the only thing you can't get on the Internet. You can pirate movies that aren't even filmed yet, but try to easily find a comprehensive list of every political competition in your area. I mean, the tried and true method of pulling the all-democrat or all-republican lever holds up pretty well, as does making your picks based on the candidates names (Cheeses Christ vs. Bob Satan... hm, that Bob Satan seems too concerned with spreading my wealth around), but wouldn't it be nice to actually know a thing or two about who's running before the election? Well, thanks to the fine people over at Blog of Geis, now you can (if you're in Allegheny County, that is). You can hit that link or take a look at the relevant sample ballot I copied from the post below. You'll still have to do your research on these candidates, and you only have one night to do it now, but I think a good hour is really all you need to choose our future leaders. If you think too far into it, you'll get bored and realize the Choose-Based-On-Their-Names method is way better. Ballot to follow:
Presidential Electors:
Barack Obama / Joe Biden | Democratic
John McCain / Sarah Palin | Republican
Ralph Nadar / Matt Gonzalez | Independent
Bob Barr / Wayne A. Root | Libertarian
Attorney General:
John M. Morganelli | Democratic
Tom Corbett | Republican
Marakay J. Rogers | Libertarian
Representative in Congress:
Steve O'Donnell | Democratic
Tim Murphy | Republican
Senator in the General Assembly:
Jay Costa, Jr. | Democratic
Representative in the General Assembly:
Paul Costa | Democratic
Auditor General:
Jack Wagner | Democratic
Chet Beiler | Republican
Betsy Summers | Libertarian
State Treasurer:
Robert McCord | Democratic
Tom Ellis | Republican
Berlie Etzel | Libertarian
http://www.smartvoter.org/2008/11/04/pa/state/
This site will also display the information you crave. She wins a free plug:
http://dubyahteeeff.blogspot.com
-------------------------
Thought I'd jump back on the ol' web log to be a good American. We're supposed to be democratizing tomorrow and I'm anxious as a slug to let my .0000001% of a vote count. I think we all know by now who's getting our presidential vote (LHC 08), but what many people may not realize is that all those people listed after John McCain and Barack Obama are running their own mud-slinging campaigns and we're neglecting our democratic duty by ignoring them and their slander.
Some co-workers and I recently tried to find a list of all candidates running for state and local positions, only to find out that is the only thing you can't get on the Internet. You can pirate movies that aren't even filmed yet, but try to easily find a comprehensive list of every political competition in your area. I mean, the tried and true method of pulling the all-democrat or all-republican lever holds up pretty well, as does making your picks based on the candidates names (Cheeses Christ vs. Bob Satan... hm, that Bob Satan seems too concerned with spreading my wealth around), but wouldn't it be nice to actually know a thing or two about who's running before the election? Well, thanks to the fine people over at Blog of Geis, now you can (if you're in Allegheny County, that is). You can hit that link or take a look at the relevant sample ballot I copied from the post below. You'll still have to do your research on these candidates, and you only have one night to do it now, but I think a good hour is really all you need to choose our future leaders. If you think too far into it, you'll get bored and realize the Choose-Based-On-Their-Names method is way better. Ballot to follow:
Presidential Electors:
Barack Obama / Joe Biden | Democratic
John McCain / Sarah Palin | Republican
Ralph Nadar / Matt Gonzalez | Independent
Bob Barr / Wayne A. Root | Libertarian
Attorney General:
John M. Morganelli | Democratic
Tom Corbett | Republican
Marakay J. Rogers | Libertarian
Representative in Congress:
Steve O'Donnell | Democratic
Tim Murphy | Republican
Senator in the General Assembly:
Jay Costa, Jr. | Democratic
Representative in the General Assembly:
Paul Costa | Democratic
Auditor General:
Jack Wagner | Democratic
Chet Beiler | Republican
Betsy Summers | Libertarian
State Treasurer:
Robert McCord | Democratic
Tom Ellis | Republican
Berlie Etzel | Libertarian
03 November 2008
Just when I thought it wasn't possible to squeeze another cent from the 'green' movement, I was proven horribly wrong:
If you want to reduce your web browser's carbon footprint and not click that link, here are some gems:
“If you look at your typical modern cemetery, it functions less as a natural, bucolic resting ground for the dead than as a landfill of largely nonbiodegradable—and in some cases toxic—material,” said Mark Harris, author of a book about green funeral practices, to The Indianapolis Star.
Does it, Mark? Not from my experience. Any and all relatives of mine that have passed were buried with conservation and the environment in mind. We use styrofoam coffins (filled, of course, with endless packing peanuts to prevent damage while jostling) and bury the deceased in holes dug with bald eagle bone shovels. We burn the grass away from the area with a pesticide cocktail and cover it with whale skin (to preserve the dirt). After the resting place is satisfactory, we fire a 7-can Aerosol salute into the air to commemorate the life of our loved one. Finally, we use an SUV with a full tank of gas as a tombstone, set to idle indefinitely. Asshole.
Did this tool really write a book on green funeral practices? Wow, he sure did:
Thank you, warrior of the Earth, for setting us right. My $16.32 is on the way... please instruct me further in the ways of dealing with my baby boomer insincere guilt.
"Do we need to expend that kind of energy on a box we are going to use for one or two days and then bury forever?” said Joe Sehee, executive director of the Green Burial Council, a group that advocates for green end-of-life practices.
Yes.
Julian Atkinson, who runs what he claims is the U.K.'s first carbon-neutral coffin manufacturing operation, is trying to convince consumers that his locally made coffins, built from certified sustainable wood, are more environmentally friendly than imported willow or bamboo coffins "of uncertain provenance that are shipped halfway around the world."
Why must he claim they're the first? Because this is almost entirely about money and cashing in on a trend. In some cases, that's a good thing. The snake-like tendencies of businesses to ride the green train to move some more product has probably caused them to accidentally do something good at times, but let's be honest with ourselves. This all stems from some sort of guilt we as a people possess... we take up this epic task of protecting the Earth; not because we really care about this giant rock, but because we need to feel noble and just. Look, our advances in industry certainly have had their wear and tear on the environment, but we're getting better at it and refining our methods. No need to fret... plus, if we mess it up too bad, we now have a giant reset switch that can fix it all:
That's science friends. All our carbon footprints over the years - large as they may be - have led us to develop THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER, and for that, I think the Earth is pretty grateful. In fact, just last week, Earth had this to say:
Hey guys! My ozones are fine... no biggie! Thanks for the LARGE HADRON COLLIDER!!! -e
11 September 2008
Because we're going to have plenty of this stuff for the next two months until the election is over, I'm going to make a final post, finally declaring who I will be voting for come November. After this, political rants will be few and far between.
It's certainly not John McCain. The man is simply an out of touch (and I apologize for the harsh language) old fart. It seems like every week there's some new cancerous growth being carved off him like a Thanksgiving ham - I fear by the time the election rolls around there will be nothing left. It is admirable that he doesn't let himself get bogged down by the complexities of the economy, but I don't think it's enough for me.
It's certainly not Barack Obama. We all know he's a charismatic son of a bee, and he seems to have a good head on his shoulders, but I've expressed concern about him from day one. It's not about his religious background or the color of his skin or even his attempts to force his silly Healthcare system upon me. It's definitely not his middle name, either. No, it's actually his first name that scares me. We've all played Mortal Kombat. Would you vote for this?
No, I imagine you would not. Until he appoints Liu Kang as his VP to take him to task, his Blade-conomics don't belong in our White House.
So who does that leave you ask? Only the candidate that has been most steadfast in his beliefs from the start and can truly make a difference in this world. The candidate I will be voting for won't use terrorism to bully us or take away our liberty. If you all followed this candidate as closely as I did, you would all be voting for... nay, worshipping him come November. If it's truly "Change we can believe in" that you want, on November 4th, please support...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.... The Large Hadron Collider!
Let's see Barack Obama recreate conditions that last prevailed when the universe was less than a trillionth of a second old. So what if John McCain has the capability to start World War III... the Large Hadron Collider has the capability to eat the world! On this very day, the Large Hadron Collider initiated the best campaign platform ever witnessed: "Vote for me and I won't create a black hole!" In fact, it's a well known fact that the Large Hadron Collider impregnated Bristol Palin. So go ahead... vote for John McCain... LHC will still have his seed in the White House one way or another.
Large Hadron Collider 2008
10 September 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)