I'm not a sports fan... I never really have been. Typically if a local team makes it near playoffs, I'll jump on a bandwagon like a spineless, trend-seeking wannabe. Often times, I even wave the first bandwagon on and wait for the second, or maybe even the third, in hopes they can fit more people and I can be less unique. Aside from those times though, I really just don't care.
From an outsider's perspective though, I have noticed that the sports themselves have almost taken a backseat in fans' minds, lately. This somewhat new phenomenon of Fantasy teams has undeniably taken over. People can't just follow sports anymore, they need to have their little fantasy teams... be it a fantasy football, baseball, hockey, ice-fishing, or whatever team.
Now, I really don't have a problem with playing pretend like this... more often than not I play pretend band with my plastic guitar with 5 buttons on it in front of a screaming crowd of my TV, my girlfriend and my broken self-worth as it limps out the door. But can we just all meet in the middle here and admit that's what this is? A bunch of grown men playing pretend. I've known people that plan events around fantasy drafts and fantasy award presentations... and they actually cancel real-life events to attend these things.
Once again, I don't particularly care what people do with their time, but doesn't this sound a lot like something else? I went to two separate forums and copied posts from members... here is the first:
It's a keeper league and we have the option of keeping either 2 offensive and 1 defensive player or 1 offensive and 2 defensive players. The league scores for individuals stats, even defensive players gain points, for sacks, passes defended, tackles etc. You start 1 QB 1-4 RB 1-4 WR 1 TE 1 PK and 4 Defensive Players each game a total of 12 players. If you start 3 of 4 DL/DE's you reduce the running points by 33% if you start 3/4 CB/S you reduce passing point by 33%.
Basically my question is who should I keep on my current roster?
Name: YTD PTS Bye Drafted
Grossman, Rex CHI QB 25.26 8 FA
Roethlisberger, Ben PIT QB (P) 62.30 6 2.07
Rosenfels, Sage HOU QB 27.50 2 23.07
So that's obviously from a fantasy football forum. Maybe it makes more sense to the athletically-inclined, but it may as well be German text interspersed with photos of hairless cats and Craig T. Nelson pitching a tent... both scenarios make equal sense in my mind (Truthfully, I can see where the Craig T. Nelson situation would speak to some demographics). Here is the second forum post:
Martial Controllers have had trouble as a challenge bcause Magic is the usual method. Modern comics gave me an idea of how to create a Martial controller however: Green Arrow is, basically, a controller.
so the thought occurred to me of using something akin to the trick arrows and other devices as low-to-moderate-damage controls, these aren't in any particular level order, but serve as examples
Caltrops (range 5 area burst 1, 1d4 damage and slowed to anyone entering the area or starting in the area)
Daily: Explosive arrow: range 10, area burst 2, 2W+DEX in the origin square and burst 1. 2nd square of radius is only 1W
You would think that this was from the same forum, but you'd be dead wrong. As I've learned, there aren't caltrops in football anymore... or any sport, for that matter. This post was from a Dungeons and Dragons forum. Now, what I want someone to do is make a case that these two activities are not basically one in the same. Participants in the former pretend they're head coaches, defensive coordinators and football players, while the latter pretends they are elves, dwarves and Sauron the Dark Lord. Nothing is wrong with either, but we're all playing pretend here. This is all well and good, but I suspect when Joe Salesman gets off work on Friday, loosens his tie and rolls up his sleeves for happy hour (even though there was probably ample time to go home and change), he doesn't see the parallels between his 3rd ranked QB and someone else's level 12 Mage of Sin. I suggest you try bringing it up to him and his good ol' boys next time you see him out. You'll notice the resistance to this idea immediately. As final pieces of evidence, I present to you some photo comparisons... can you spot the differences?
6 comments:
Well done, queer. Go back to playing Barbie.
For the record, I'm in a fantasy lacrosse league now as a favor to a friend and even I realize how ridiculous that is.
I am so happy you finally wrote this.
And good burn from Brandon.
I'd possibly have more input on this if we'd ever gotten a chance to PLAY our D&D game... stupid girlfriends...
word-ver. -- "ytersa" a 2012 Toyota model hatchback that will run on 4 rechargeable AA batteries. (Battery charger sold separately.)
Except a blog response from this guy.
A.) except is interchangeable with expect.
B.) the photos involving fantasy sports league include people who are obviously more awesome and have bigger penises.
I certainly expected one.
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